Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of ‘You’re not alone.’

BRENÉ BROWN

Years back I returned home in the evening to see my house in a bit of chaos. There was this tiny scraggly-looking chick hopping all over my living room with my children trying to catch it. My daughter, Sabita who was in std 4 at that time said her classmate had gifted her this chick. Later I found out that Sabita had given this girl a school bag and that this girl who lived near the school gave her a return gift after school hours!

I firmly said I can’t have this and said let’s drop it off at my mom’s place as she’s experienced in poultry farming.

So, I packed my daughter and chick in my car to drop off the chick at my mom’s place. I told my mom, “I can’t have this chick running about and dirtying my house.” My Mom agreed and said, “yes, yes, it’s not a good idea.” She gave us some tea and snacks, and when my daughter had wandered off with her chick she said, “this poor girl has recently lost her father and it’s not good to take away this little chick from her that she loves. I’ll send Philip (my youngest brother), to your house tomorrow and he’ll build a nice pen for this chick.” She gave Sabita a big carton to temporarily keep the chick and the next day I had a pen in my backyard!

Well, Sabita cared for her chick and it quickly grew into a black hen. One day my mom remarked,” it’ll be good if this hen has a mate. I can select a nice one for you from the market.”

So, the next addition was a very young rooster. It soon grew into a majestic-looking bird and woke everyone up with his crowing that seemed to grow louder and more frequent every day. People on the phone would ask if I lived on a farm. This rooster was special. He could recognize my car horn and run to the gate when I returned just like a pet dog! Now since the eggs were fertilized, Sabita placed a few for hatching and soon there was a brood of cute little chicks in the backyard pen.

Less than a year after getting this rooster, my mom who was very active at 63 suddenly passed away due to some diabetic complications.

I always look back on this incident and the inherent empathy my mom had towards those around her. Often, she would give bottles of her homemade delicious fish pickles to her young colleagues who lived by themselves, saying that this would spice up their meals.

I had Psychology as one of my subjects in college but to be empathetic, I have to make a conscious effort.

A prayer I need is, “Lord give me a sensitive heart to discern between what is genuine and what is superfluous”.

Jean Rao